It’s safe to say that this year’s Christmas is going to be the weirdest one in memory.
Pandemics have a way of doing that.
Yep, 2020 has been a strange year, one full of twists and turns. It’s a year so bizarre that the holiday gifts should be just as strange.
Many of us are unable to go home for the holidays, so we have to send gifts that convey our heartfelt wishes to friends, family and loved ones.
If it’s the thought that counts, let these wacky holiday gifts say without hesitation: “I think you’re weird.” In a good way, of course!
Elf Costume For Bearded Dragon
It’s an age-old story: The family is enjoying the holidays all decked in holiday gear while the beloved bearded dragon gets left out in the cold. That travesty ends now, thanks to this elf costume perfectly designed for the celebration-loving reptile in your life.
Santa Pick Me Up
Dressing up as Santa is a tradition for many people, but this costume allows you to be Santa as well as somebody who has to deal with him awkwardly invading your personal space. Progress!
Corgi Butt Bottle Opener
Who was it who said, “Beer just tastes better when the bottle is opened using an opener that looks like the butt of a corgi?”
No one? Figures.
Cocaine Bear Christmas Ornament
Back In 1985, a black bear found and ate $15 million worth of cocaine in Kentucky. Now, this so-called cocaine bear can be remembered every holiday season. This ornament, true to its name, shows a bear looking very, very high. Merry Christmas?
Building Blocks Waffle Maker
If you’re one of the millions of people who couldn’t decide whether to eat waffles or Legos for breakfast, this waffle maker will be a godsend. It creates building blocks of different sizes, allowing you to make the waffle sculpture of your dreams.
My daddy used to say, “Nothing says Christmas like a pooping flamingo.”
Me: “Not holiday cookies?”
Me: “Not seasonal music?”
Me: “What about a tree with decorations?”
Dad: “Get real. Pooping flamingos are the reason for the season.”
F**k You COVID-19 Sucker (In Strawberry)
Although candy is a routine part of the holidays, an anti-COVID-19 sucker showing the middle finger might ordinarily seem a little out of place. Maybe, but not in 2020.
Stuffed animals are usually happy. But this is 2020 — the rules have changed. That means snuggling with a grumpy octopus instead of a teddy bear.
The problem with most pillows is that they’re so … impersonal. Luckily, the face pillow will allow the recipient to enjoy a giant big piece of bedroom upholstery with a giant face on it.
2020 Candle That Smells LIke A Dumpster Fire
Most people won’t deny that 2020 has really stunk. So why not honor that with a candle that smells like the dumpster fire this year has been.
Very Large Bow Headband
“Wow! That’s a really big bow on your head.”
“I mean, it’s really a large bow.”
“Yes, yes it is.”
“So, is there anything else unusual about you about besides this really large bow on your head?”
Sexy Elf Costume
If you’re one of those people who fantasize about the romantic goings-on in Santa’s workshop, this sexy elf costume is perfect for role playing.
The pandemic has created unique wardrobe problems for remote workers: What do you wear to a Zoom meeting that is comfy but still looks professional? Thanks to the Work Wonnie, that challenge is solved. It’s a onesie with a respectable shirt on top and comfy sweatpants below. Hopefully, this will be allowed at offices when we go back.
Brutally Honest 2020 Tree Ornaments
Christmas in 2020 is going to be different than years past. So, why not add some ornaments that reflect the mood of the year using the most graphic language possible? Exactly!
Bad Sweater Bourbon
Margaret Pattillo for SavageAndCooke.com
Why should ugly holiday sweaters be limited to sentient beings? This 4-year-old bourbon is spiked with holiday spices like cinnamon, nutmeg, clove, cacao nibs and vanilla bean, and comes with its own ugly sweater. Drink up!
Lightbulb That Doubles As A Flashlight
Granted, nobody sits on Santa’s lap and asks for a lightbulb, but this one is pretty cool. It doubles as a flashlight in a pinch and can stay powered for five hours on its own, even if there is a blackout.
Ugly Christmas Slippers
Today’s modern ugly holiday sweaters are designed to be in your face. These ugly Christmas slippers take a more subtle approach. Hope you like people staring at your feet!
Cat DNA Test
Why should DNA tests be limited to humans? The Basepaws DNA test ends the human-centric bias by giving your cats a chance to explore their genetic roots. Hopefully, you won’t have a bunch of unexpected relatives popping out of the woodwork.
Face masks are supposed to be utiltarian, but there’s no reason they can’t be stylish. This very expensive dragon face mask will be perfect for the “Game Of Thrones”-loving status seeker in your life.
Mega Mouth Lip Reading Game
Big G Creative
This is a fun game to play with the family. But you may have to emphasize that the game is spelled “M-E-G-A” and not “M-A-G-A.” Good luck!.
Stuffed Plague Doctor
Teddy bears are OK, but sometimes you just want snuggle with a plague doctor, right? (Please don’t tell me I’m wrong.)
Shaving the back of one’s neck with a razor is not recommended. But the neckline groomer attempts to make it easier with a strap that attaches three safety blades to it. Truly cutting edge.
LED Smart Mask
Emily M. Frank for MaskMarket.com
Face masks save lives, but they can make communication difficult. The Smart Mask tries to remedy that by using LED lights that supposedly mimic facial movements. It’s not perfect, but it is perfect for that TikTok video you’ve been planning.
Thanks to climate change, it may soon be too hot to wear ugly holiday sweaters in December. The answer? A stylish snowflake jumpsuit!
Combination Showerhead/ Musical Speaker
Used to be that people sang in the shower. But thanks to this showerhead that includes Bluetooth, your shower now sings to you.
Fragile Leg Lamp Skater Dress
Looking for something stylish for the “Christmas Story” fan in your life? This skater dress with “fragile leg lamps” will be treated as a major award, for sure.
I’m sorry, but once you’ve experienced the joys of making chalk drawings using chalk shaped like sushi, everything lacks that certain je ne sais quoi. It’s a travesty that we’ve lived so long with, ugh, chalk that looks like chalk.
Airgraft Vape App That Tells You How Much You’ve Smoked
The Airgraft is a perfect example of technology that serves a purpose we didn’t realize was missing. It connects to a phone via Bluetooth and allows a person to see just how big their vape hits were. Previously, people were only able to judge this by the amount of smoke they exhaled. How prehistoric.
If You Give A Bunny A Beer
Although rabbit alcoholism is vastly underreported, this book will help families understand the consequences that can flow when a bunny gets that first can of beer. Note: Never give alcohol to actual rabbits.
Santa Beard Face Warmer
A Santa hat and fake beard are good things to have this time of year. But typically, those products aren’t made for warmth. This version will keep your face warm all winter long, even after your loved ones tell you “Christmas is over.”
Ugly holiday sweaters had their day, but there are other kinds of equally ugly festive apparel. I give you … the pajamarall.
Any self-respecting tree hugger is faced with this problem at least once in their life: What to do when you’re indoors, a place where, traditionally, trees aren’t allowed. For them, we suggest the log pillow, a marvel of the modern age.
Dabbing Squidward. Nuff said.
Christmas Tree Dress
This is the outfit to wear if you are really, really, really into the holiday season. Also, dignity is overrated.
Pooping Santa Wine Stopper
John Morris for TipsyElves
Who was it who said, “Wine just tastes better when poured from a bottle using a stopper of Santa taking a poop?” No one? OK. Thanks.
Combination Volleyball/Four Square Game
Some people in your group want to play volleyball, while others want to play Four Square. You might think this conflict could result in great acts of violence, but the CrossNet game helps ease the conflict by combining both games in one package. I wonder if I can watch the games on ESPN.
Merry Dickmas Christmas Card
Who wouldn’t want to get a Christmas card of someone placing a male sex organ on top of a tree? (You don’t have to answer, I’m not listening! Lalalalla!)
Mr. Hankey Ugly Christmas Sweater
When you see the Mr. Hankey sweater at holiday parties, you know that it’s beginning to smell a lot like Christmas.
Bob Ross Slippers
If you’re painting happy little trees, maybe you need some weird looking Bob Ross slippers? Maybe?
Marty McFly Christmas Ornament
This “Back To The Future” ornament can mean different things to different people. For movie fans, it’s a loving tribute to a beloved ’80s movie. For others, it’s a visual reminder of the question we’re all asking: “Is 2020 over yet?”
Mandalorian Ugly Holiday Sweater With Baby Yoda
This Mandalorian-themed ugly holiday sweater shows that Baby Yoda is a force to be reckoned with.
Passing a joint used to be a sign of communal sharing, but the pandemic changed that. These mouthpiece minis can fit on the end of a cigarette. It allows the old traditions to continue — as long as everyone has their own mouthpiece.
Evel Knievel Stunt Cycle
For people who grew up in the mid-1970s, the Evel Knievel cycle will bring back a lot of great memories. It’s not exactly weird, but you will likely see some strange reactions from nostalgic Gen Xers.
Matching Gingerbread Man Jumpsuits
Looking for a sweet outfit to wear during your holiday Zoom call with the family? How about matching gingerbread jumpsuits for men and women? It was just a suggestion. You don’t have to get mad.
This cardboard Santa throne is the perfect way to let Kris Kringle know he can rest for a few minutes at your house before continuing on his rounds.
Games That Are Fiendishly Designed To Look Like Common Food Products
Big G Creative
No, these aren’t edible food items and condiments, they are games perfect for enjoying when you’re waiting for Uber Eats. For extra fun, put these in the pantry and see who confuses them for real food.
Self-Sanitizing Phone Case
Phones are notoriously great carriers of germs — yuck! Luckily, these copper phone cases are anti-bacterial and can potentially reduce transmission of infections while you scroll Instagram.
Sweet Baby Jesus Ugly Christmas Sweater
Sweet baby Jesus indeed!
Portable Green Screen
Aspiring YouTubers and TikTokers will find this green screen a crucial tool for their goal of internet domination. Just don’t wear green in front of it, OK?
Sure, planking was a big thing back in 2009 and it’s still good exercise, but it can be so boring. However, the Plankster keeps you going by including videogames for your phone. Yay, no boredom!
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